Hannah (Cybele or the Dune Mouse to some of you) requested a story regarding ‘a specific photo on my other blog’.
To paraphrase Forest Gump’s mama, you never know what you are going to get until you write it.
An Interview With A Wee People Spokesperson, hereafter referred to as WPS (the wee people are pixies and trolls and such-like, those that cause mischief, mostly at night when everyone is asleep)
Me: So, you, as spokeperson of the Wee People-
WPS interrupting: Us prefer VCP’s, Vertically Correct Persons, As a matter of fact, us don’t even use ‘we’. Us are ‘us’, not ‘we’. Why, before us left the hollow hills, us had to re-educate some Scottish Lairds, only possible with a Claymore, if you must know. Of course, us caused them all sorts of trouble as well, late nights, with their sheep and cattle and whatnot. Us get us own back, you see.
Me: My goodness, that sounds a bit militant. So your ancestry is Scottish, then?
WPS: Well, only in a roundabout way, us originally come out of the hills of Ruratania, right there in the mountains east of Hungary. Us been moving west since, following the setting sun. Us see that as a metaphor for the fall of the BUF’s, Big Ugly Folks. Us time will come again.
Me: Well, definitely militant sounding. I notice you have built a fine, VCP house here in New Orleans and have satellite TV as well. So you do alright, you prosper?
WPS: Us clean the coins from fountains and wishing wells, and have been known (cough, cough) to haunt a few of the more inebriated, until they drop a $20 anyway. The rest of the time us watch Baywatch. They got the best eyecandy, if you know what us mean. Why, us’s DVD collection alone….She’s really one of us, you know. They just make her look bigger on TV, the magic box, except now us got 43″ flatscreens. Us’s wimminfolk find something wimmen like there too, but us don’t know what.
Me: So, the hills of Hungary, Scottish lairds, coins in the fountains and hauntings and Baywatch. Anything else we should know about you.
Me: Golems? What about golems?
WPS: Us have almost perfected the art of golemry. Very lifelike and us program them to further our agenda of destroying BUF civilization. Why, us ran one as president of a major nation as a joke and the golem won, even though us can’t get the skin tone or hair quite right. What a laff that was. Us stayed drunk for a week, in celebrations.
Me: So you are saying that President – No, it can’t be true!
WPS: (winking with one eye, the larger one) Cross us heart and hope to die, hahahahahahahaha.
Me: Well, I see we are out of time, thank you so very much Mr. WPS for an informative and interesting interview, no matter also rather disturbing.
WPS: Think nothing of it, the jokes on you. Us is going now. Not adios, but good bye.